I was thinking while I was riding in the car last night about famous people. In my estimation (and this whole thing is just my opinion, mind you) there are three levels of famous people: ones who are much more respected than they really should be, once who are approximately the right amount of respected, and ones who are not respected enough. Here are some examples from each category:

• Jim Morrison and the Doors: Dying young does not make you talented or interesting, Mr. Morrison. Your music is dull, your songwriting is weak, and you are overromanticized. Your gravesite in Paris smells weird because of all the hippies. (I swear I did not make a pilgrimage; I was there to see Oscar Wilde’s grave and Jim Morrison’s was right there.)
• Charles Dickens: God! What a bunch of drivel! Baroque obnoxiousness does not a good writer make. Dullsville.
• Impressionism: Did you know that Degas, Cezanne, and Matisse all suffered from very poor eyesight (source)? They painted that way because they couldn’t see. My father says he didn’t used to like Impressionism either, until he got older and his eyesight grew poorer. I am still waiting for that day. In the meantime, I wish they’d just focus their eyeballs. Note: I am not condemning the artists, because I like some of Matisse’s less floaty stuff. Still…Impressionism? Pleh.
• Britney Spears: I was going to put her on this list for being yet another marketing victim with more PR than talent, but last night I had a dream where she and I were friends and she was really nice. So maybe she’s OK. I’ll give her another chance.

• Oprah Winfrey: this woman gets it done. I admire her hard work, intelligence, and mostly good taste. She is also a testament to the fact that good lighting and good styling can do wonders. However, I do sort of resent the fact that women have to be beautiful on top of everything else in order to be really successful; nobody cares that Regis Philbin is toadish looking. Still, Oprah is a self-made creator of an empire and makes her own damn rules.
• The Beatles: I am not a huge Beatles fan, but I do admit that they had probably the largest impact on 20th century music of anyone. I admire how they were able to grow and develop. Plus it’s hilarious that Paul McCartney sold all their songs to Michael Jackson. Juiced, Paul McCartney!
• Ernest Hemingway: the greatest American writer, in my opinion and the opinions of many others. He can sock it to me in one sentence. Are you paying attention from beyond the grave, Charles Dickens?
• Pablo Picasso: he reminds me of Eminem. When people talk about how Eminem is morally repugnant yet artistically talented, they act like that’s a new thing. Picasso was a misogynistic jerk with phenomenal talent for a good chunk of a century before Eminem came along. Does the violence in Guernica glorify war, criticize it, or simply depict it? Does Eminem’s music do the same thing for the violence experienced by the modern urban poor? I don’t know for sure. I do not think Eminem is on the same level as Picasso, but on the other hand, he’s young yet. Picasso revolutionized western art, and even though he was a despicable human in many ways, his contribution remains.

• Eudora Welty: Yeah, she won a Pulitzer and everything, but it’s a damned shame that many people have only heard of her from a reference to her belching skills on The Simpsons. I’ve been reading her collected short stories, and oh my lord, she is a good writer.
• The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds is often regarded as on par with the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s, as it well should be, but the Beach Boys did more than that. Their soaring harmonies and piano/guitar rock helped develop a California sound that one can still hear traces of today. These are not just party boys, people. Not that I have a problem with party boys, within reason.
• Johnny Depp: Is anybody else a little tired of “look at me, I’m Sean Penn, I’m so stormy and mopey”? Johnny Depp has all of Sean Penn’s sensitivity with eight times the humor and a much lighter touch. Give this man an effing Oscar already.
• King Toad, aka Jamal River: I tried to confine this list to people everybody’s heard of, but if you haven’t listened to King Toad, you’re missing out. Please download the free samples he makes available on his site, and after that buy his albums. Jamal has an amazing knack for writing a catchy pop song that grows more and more interesting every time you listen to it.

OK, that’s quite enough of my opinions for one day.