I don’t feel like I have anything interesting to say right now.

Well, that’s never stopped me before, has it? Har, har.

Um…I’m hungry. Episode 3 of The Real World: Austin is on tonight. It’s terrible, really terrible. The casts are now made up of people who don’t even remember a time before The Real World tv show, and they probably don’t remember the old days when the cast members were interesting people. Now it’s just typecasting and drunken fights and hookups between roommates. Blah.

I’ll still watch, though. It’s weird how I’m too old to be on The Real World. Actually it’s ok. I don’t even know what I’d say to those people if I had to live with them. Let’s speculate:

“Danny, you are an idiot. You are not in love with Melinda. You barely know Melinda. You’re in love with those tiny shorts she was wearing, or possibly the contents therein. But don’t go around professing your love for a virtual stranger, and especially don’t get physical with her. You have to live with this woman for four months. Did you learn nothing from Frankie’s drunken pool hookups? It’s a recipe for later humiliation.

“Melinda, you came into this situation with a serious boyfriend and a promise ring. For the moment, let’s just put aside the fact that promise rings are stupid and strictly for people who want to control each other but can’t cough up the maturity for a genuine relationship. All that aside, how stupid is it to hook up with your roommate? See comments to Danny.

“Johanna, you are dumb. You’re a mean drunk. Stop being so mean and dumb. You seem like potentially the most interesting cast member–I like how you seem to have some actual career goals, and your background is kind of cool. But nobody’s going to remember that unless you stop being insecure and whiny and mean.

“Wes, you’re dull. Shouting doesn’t make you interesting.

“Hair stylist girl whose name I don’t remember, having weird hair doesn’t make you interesting. That reminds me of my old friend Blue Mohawk Boy. I fell into his trap–with hair like that, he’s gotta be cool! It turned out he was very, very dull and trying desperately to make people think he was otherwise. You’re going to have to show some spunk if you expect me to pay attention to you.

“Army nurse whose name I don’t remember, you seem defensive. Why so defensive? Also, these people already have moms (except Danny, I guess). Maybe you should get a hamster or something.

“Nehemiah, you seem OK so far. You are my favorite cast member by default. Ah, what a proud title.”

Yeah, I’ll watch it tonight. You wanna make something of it?