OK, I realize the Daily Iowan is a student newspaper and perhaps should not be held to the same standards of journalism as an actual professional paper, but seriously, people.

How many dance on the pin?
By Elaine Fabian – The Daily Iowan
Published: Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Four beers, two glasses of wine, 35 shots, and a fifth of vodka in less than two hours might translate into a rough night for most, but for one former Iowa City resident, it caused an out-of-body experience that he said gave him the ability to communicate with angels.

Since being visited by seven angels while his body lay surrounded in vomit on the bathroom floor of a Coralville restaurant almost two decades ago, Mark Patterson contends, he has been able to hear the voices of angels hinting at the right decisions in his life.

“I am guided by inner voices,” he said.

…

“I try to spend time meditating, and it made me study religions to find the common truth among all of them,” said Patterson, who earned an undergraduate degree in psychiatry. “It made me 100 percent responsible for myself.”

…

Barbara O’Rourke, a psychiatrist for Psychiatric Associates, 319 E Bloomington St., said Patterson’s drunkenness during the experiences voids all of his claims.

“It isn’t credible information,” she said. “His brain was put to sleep. If [he] wasn’t drunk, I would take it very seriously.”

Oookay. So a teenage kid (the article mentions that he was a sophomore in high school when this happened) drinks enough to cause brain death in Fat Bastard, claims he saw angels, an actual psychiatrist says, “No, that’s stupid,” and this is somehow newsworthy? I’d be surprised if he didn’t see something wacky as his poor little brain cells were trying their hardest to weave themselves back into some semblance of order.

Also, I can’t think of any institution that grants an undergraduate degree in psychiatry.

I have a date tonight. With a BOY.

If we’re going to be specific, it’s with my husband. But he’s my favorite date anyway, so here we are.

It’s the one night off all week I have from rehearsing, so we’re taking advantage by going out to Mount Vernon for a Lincoln Café dinner. We decided we would go once a month on our monthly anniversary. We decided this after we were sitting there last time and realized the date was August 30, exactly one month after our wedding. Technically our two-month anniversary isn’t till Friday, but like I said, tonight is my only free night this week.

So we pretty much blew the plan just two months in. Oh well, I still get a good dinner.