I stopped by Osco over lunch break today, and I spent a few minutes sniffing various bath gels. I realize there are better places to go than Osco if I want a truly luxurious bath gel experience, but it’s very convenient, and I figured I’d be able to find something not-vile.

No such luck. Well, to be fair, lots of them were not-vile, but none of them really made me want to lather up, then and there. I found lots of your typical flowery crap, like “Jasmine Blossom Bliss” and “Rose Rendezvous.” Maybe a pricier brand would smell more like actual flowers and less like old lady perfume; I don’t know.

I think that I would prefer to smell like a food item, anyway. There were a couple of mango choices, but I prefer my fruits later in the day. In the morning, I want some sort of nutty, cinnamony cereal and coffee.

Denny doesn’t like coffee, so even though mocha-scented shower gel sounds great, it’s probably a bad idea if I want to maintain his affections. Is there such a thing as Honey Bunches of Oats shower gel?

I think Philosophy makes a Cinnamon Buns shower gel. That sounds good. Ooh, I see they also have Waffle Cone. Yum. I know I said no fruit, but banana would be good for a p.m. shower. And how about Sugar Cookie? In my perfect world, I would eat sugar cookies for breakfast.

The obvious answer here is that Osco needs to start carrying Philosophy products.