Tobin had been playing downstairs. He came up.
T:Â Mommy, I have to go poop.
A:Â Then go poop.
T: Okay. (He pulled down his pants and walked down the hall with his pants and underpants around his ankles.) I came upstairs because it’s a little more predictable.
M:Â What do you call a table with no legs?
A&D:Â What?
M:Â An education table.
A&D:Â [blank stare]
M: Get it? Zero legs? Zero is a number? And education…like math?
A&D:Â [laughing in confusion and absurdity]
M:Â Why does no one get my jokes?
Tobin was looking over my shoulder as I scrolled through Facebook. A video of President Obama came up. “Is that [children’s author] Mary Pope Osborne? Does ‘porcupine’ mean ‘fabulous’?”
At HyVee, Tobin was looking at the case of bagged ice.
T: I-C-E.
A: What do you think that spells?
T: FREEZE CHAMBER!
T: Why do some people smoke?
A: They probably started when they were young, and by the time they realized it was a bad idea, it was really hard for them to stop. The best way not to smoke is to never start in the first place.
T: No, the best way not to smoke is to take off your mouth.
A: …
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