The Tobin Times #139
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3/26/2023
3/14/2023
3/12/2023
Stuff my people say, recently
3/10/23
I was reminding Callum how much his teacher loves and cares about him (it’s true–Ms. Hill is a gem).
Callum: But not as much as you love me.
Aprille: Well, that’s probably true.
Callum: The only person who can compete with our bond is Dad.
—
2/21/23
Callum’s teacher sent a kind and complimentary email about his work in school today.
Aprille: I’m so proud to be your mom.
Callum: I’m so proud to be your sweet child!
—
2/12/23
Callum: What day is Valentine’s Day?
Aprille: Tuesday is true Valentine’s Day, but we had our family party yesterday, with cookies and cocktail hour and–
Callum: No, I mean what’s the DATE?
Aprille: Oh, February 14.
Callum: Whenever I say day, I mean DATE.
Aprille: I understand.
Callum: It doesn’t seem like you do.
—
2/4/23
Callum had just eaten Doritos and his fingers were covered with cheese powder.
Callum: (wiggling his gross fingers at me) Do you want to shake my hand?
Aprille: No!
Callum: Is it because there’s not ENOUGH Dorito powder?
—
1/28/23
Callum: How would you feel if a wolf broke into our house?
Aprille: I would feel very upset! How would you feel?
Callum: I would feel shocked…and like I had underestimated wolves.
—
1/28/23
“I need to mentally prepare for this.” —Callum, interrupting the dental hygienist who was about to perform the inoffensive task of applying fluoride to his teeth.
—
1/21/23
At family cocktail hour:
Callum: Why do you and Dad get refills and we don’t?
Denny: Are you the same size as Mom and Dad? Did you earn the money for it? Do you get up early to make lunches?
Tobin: Artemis, stop rolling your eyes.
Artemis: It’s muscle memory.
—
1/6/23
Denny: How can you be almost eight?
Callum: Have you ever heard of aging? I’m pretty sure you’ve done it.
—
1/3/23
Callum and I were looking at Dairy Queen’s website for ice cream cakes, as per Art’s birthday request. Callum was surprised by the burgers and chicken strips advertised.
C: What is this, Protein Queen?
—
12/23/22
A: I can’t believe you’re almost 8!
C: 8 isn’t very old.
A: It’s pretty old.
C: I feel like it’s a lot younger than the average adult.
—
12/17/22
“Singing is just gourmet talking.” —Tobin
—
12/12/22
Callum usually takes baths, but tonight he chose to use the downstairs shower, which is stall-style.
C: That’s what I like about this shower. It has all the convenience of a Port-a-Potty.
A: A…Port-a-Potty?
C: Yeah. It’s almost the same shape.
—
12/6/22
Callum: I want three centimeters of yellow lemonade combined with three centimeters of cherry Kool-Aid, so six centimeters altogether, with ice. (Pause.) That sounds like a Starbucks order.
(Note: I almost never get Starbucks, and if I do, it’s just a black drip coffee. I blame the Internet.)
—
11/14/22
After the Family Folk Machine concert yesterday, we were talking about our friends from the group.
Denny: Is Star short for anything?
Aprille: I don’t think so.
Callum: Maybe it’s short for…Starch?
—
10/29/22
Callum was reading aloud to me from a book about dolphins. He told me that a type of shallow diving is called “porpoising.”
A: Do they do it by accident, or do they do it on porpoise?
C: [unamused stare]
A: Oh, you didn’t like my joke?
C: You’re a mom. You can’t make dad jokes.
—
10/26/22
Callum, on the topic of his school guidance counselor’s physique: “He’s a lot taller than he is wide.”
3/10/2023
3/3/2023
Salted Caramel Sauce
Salted Caramel Sauce
- 1 cup granulated sugar
- 1/4 cup water
- 1/2 cup heavy cream
- 6 tablespoons butter, cut into pieces, room temperature
- 1 tsp kosher salt
- 1 tsp vanilla
Combine sugar and water in a medium-sized saucepan (bigger than you think). Cook over medium heat, swirling occasionally, until the water has boiled out and the sugar is a nice amber color. Add butter and whisk vigorously until well-combined. Remove from heat and add cream and salt. Whisk to combine. Return to heat and let cook without stirring for about 45 seconds. Remove from heat and allow to cool for a few minutes; add vanilla. Store in a heat-safe container and tightly-covered container for up to a month.
