So neglecty
Oh, man, sorry I haven’t posted in a while. It’s really not like me, I know. I’ve just been really busy lately, at work and otherwise.
I heard some sad news today. Tony Beltrisi (known to some as Beij, to others as Tony; he was born a woman but was undergoing gender reassignment and identified as male) and his wife were in a car accident in October. His wife was pronounced brain dead shortly after the accident. Tony had been making significant progress, and there was much hope that he would regain mobility and recover, at least to some degree. Sadly, his heart gave out and he died last night.
It’s hard to explain how I knew Tony; I didn’t know him well, but I had talked to him on several occasions, and he was one of the classiest, most tolerant people I’ve ever been lucky enough to chat with. He had been through a lot of bad things in his life, treated very poorly by judgemental people, and yet, he never acted bitter or angry. I admire him very much.
Que en paz descanse
I was Beij’s sister-in-law and saw him the week before he died. I just wanted to say that the picture of him you have here captures what I felt when I saw him – his spirit, grief stricken by my sister’s death, still glowed even despite his injuries and heart break. I know now they are together and that brings me peace. Thanks for posting the picture.
I appreciate that you have posted this recent picture of Beij! I failed to think about taking any pictures of him in the hospital because each time I visited him, it broke my heart. I have known Beij since 1999 and we were family in the best sense of the word. I lived with Beij from 1999 through 2002 when it became clear that Beij and Sara were destined to be together. I was the one Beij had the hospital contact on October 12, 2004 just before they intebated (sp?) him. I was the one who called Sara’s sister so her family and friends would know, and arranged for the dogs to be cared for until I could take Xena and Bella back. I was the one who went through their wedding guest list and contacted friends who contacted Beij’s sister. I was the one who cleaned out Beij and Sara’s home with help from local friends and Sara’s dear friend, Kasi, and tried to coordinate their estates with their birth families. I was the one who put Beij’s personal effects into a storage unit rented by Kasi with the hopes he would benefit from them someday. I was the one the hospital called at 11:45 pm on February 3, 2005 to tell me the shocking news. I had visited Beij that morning and was alarmed that he was flushed red and sweating. I alerted the nurses who only said that he did NOT have a fever. I insisted that something was wrong and that they needed to investigate. I brushed his teeth again that day and sadly had little time to visit because a piece of saliva flew into my eye from Beij’s mouth, and I had to go to the ER to be treated for MRSA contamination. I was leaving the next day for my parent’s home after my Aunt died on 2/2/05. Beij was in a state of peace the days before he passed, despite the tragedy of his situation and all the losses. I think Beij grew very close to God through all of this grief and pain. I am now the one planning Beij’s memorial service and have tried to get the word out, but had no method other than with word of mouth. Since we don’t want a public gathering of people who did not really know Beij, I am hesitant to put out details in this forum, so if you knew Beij and want to join us, please email me before 3/18/05.
To your comment about not wanting a public gathering of people who didn’t really know Beij! You’re in for a suprise! I am A blood relative and you make me sick!!! You think that you can pick and choose who you want to say good bye to her! Ya that’s right! She was born a girl and died a girl! The way she wrote about her childhood is all lies. I do respect her for who she was and it didn’t and doesn’t bother me the way she lived her life. No one in the family has judged her at any time of her life. Just to get this straight, since everyone wants to type trash on the internet.
It makes me very sad that anyone who claims Beij Beltrisi in any way would be so angry and self righteous after Beij’s death. It serves to reinforce the fact that Beij felt he must leave Indianna, and close contact with “blood relatives” in order to survive.
When Beij was alive and suffering alone most of the time in the hospital, the ONLY “blood relative” who came to lend support and comfort was his sister Terri. Friends of Beij’s who knew Beij for many years as a woman and only briefly as a man travelled from Florida (Lisa), Massachusets (Laura), North Carolina (Rene’, LaVern, Bonnie, and Patte) and family and friends of his deceased wife travelled from Washington State (Elaine) Chicago (Kasi, and Joan) and New Jersey (Deborah) to lend support and comfort during the darkest days of Beij’s short life. I was stunned to learn that Beij’s sister lives in South Carolina and did not come to visit Beij before or after this tragic accident, even though we spoke on the phone about how Beij was doing.
The past is only a memory, and the way each of us must grieve our losses is unique and personal. I suggest that if anyone really did care about Beij, ever, that you recognize that Beij was an artist and artists create and make things more beautiful sometimes, and make things more provocative and meaningful at other times. Beij created a life for himself where he was male, was loved, was married to someone who loved him in an exceptionally passionate and unconditional manner. Beij was truly a self made man. I have Beij’s driver’s license which designates Beij’s sex as male.
Truth is a subjective thing and we each have our own version of it. The private memorial I am planning is for people who really knew Beij on a personal level rather than the spin which has been generated by dozens of people on the internet. Beij’s short life was filled with suffering, abuse, betrayals, and struggle, and thank God, Beij is now free. The people who will celebrate having known Beij brought into Beij’s short life love, joy, comfort, support, friendship, acceptance, and kindness.
The memorial is planned for the afternoon of Saturday, March 19th at Kure Beach NC to accomodate the schedule of Beij’s sister Terri, her husband, Mike, her daughter April, and her partner, John. From what I have learned, no other “blood relatives” are planning to attend the memorial here. Sara’s family and several of Beij’s closest friends will attend.
If someone reading this would like to attend this memorial please contact me at bonzoni@myexcel.com to get more information about the place and time. Namaste’, Bonnie
I never met Beij, but he was an important member of an online community I participated in. It was a cigar forum, and Beij (Tony) was admired and respected by the roughest bunch of cigar smoking Harley riding brothers you can imagine. I don’t know how many knew or cared that Tony was at one time a female, to them he was one of the guys and wrote the best cigar reviews of anyone there.
Beij was multi-talented and widely loved and admired for being a great person. One of the most outstanding things he did was found Operation from the Heart, an organization that collected cigars from donors to send to service men & women in the middle east.
I never met Tony, but I sure would have considered it an honor.
I was good friends with beij many years ago. Of course I mean no disrespect when I say “her†because I know beij as Brenda back when she still lived with her dad in Richmond Indiana.
I was probably the only guy she’d have considered ever dating. We traded tapes and letters for many years. I stayed in contact with her through ISCA until april of 03 when I had a bad motorcycle accident. By the time I finally got out of the hospital my isca account had been deleted.
I thought of her several times over the years and knew she had changed her name to ‘beij’ so I did a google on her and found this.
I’m very saddened. I never got to actually see her physically – though in 1991 I almost got the chance but the timing just dind’t work out.
She was very close to her dad – or, at least she felt a duty to care for him. I knew as soon as he died she would leave and not look back. She tried to set me up with girls all the time. I miss her.
as promised…
OpFTH (operation from the heart) has continued and has grown! we are now a registered 501c non profit and its amazing what it has become since the first day tony and I talked about it.
I was just talking about Tony and thought i would google and found this . Sorry I was not here to post closer to his passing.
He touched alot of people online. For those that knew him or her as anything other then Tony i say this. What he was called by name does not change the person and big heart we knew.
You are missed.
but OpFTH will always be your legacy.
Bill
“smitty”
http://www.opfth.com
As Beij’s birthday passed this year, I find myself missing him more desperately than ever before. I knew Beij since the 1980s. I was not able to make it to the wedding, but I still cannot understand why I wasn’t called when he had the accident. It haunts me to this day that I did not get to say goodbye or to lend my support and love while he was so ill. I see that others from our hometown were contacted, but not me. I keep thinking about it and need to just let it go. I know there must have been letters and things from me in his things. I just don’t understand.
I’m so happy to see the opfth.com site doing so well. He’d be so pleased. Beij and I were in college during Desert Storm and we organized a support the troops rally – got all kinds of flack about it because people didn’t understand. I carry on my own support the troops efforts and think about Beij so much when sending boxes and letters out.
Every so often I just google Beij’s name because I just miss him. I came across this site this time and just thought I’d add a comment.
I was going through my email contacts this afternoon in an account that’s older than I probably cared to remember, and I saw that Tony’s email is still listed. I’ve since googled him to see if anyone else still loves and remembers our dear friend.
Beij, Tony, Stiletto – I miss you. In the mess of chaos and anger in this world, you were a voice of reason, love and at times subdued righteousness. Operation from the Heart survives you, thrives beautifully, and is dearly needed in these times.
You are proof that one man with a candle can, through his actions, keep the world lit with hope even after he’s gone. I hope I’m so lucky to leave such a legacy when it’s time for me to join you.
You are loved and missed more than you will ever know.
I find myself missing Tony… Maybe it’s the anniversary of the accident that is looming.
I am putting up a memorial on “findagrave.com”. I’d like to have permission to repost the above photo. I don’t have any photos of him. If anyone else does, feel free to post them on his memorial page. But, it only allows up to five. Thanks!
Rest in peace, dear Tony… <3 E-Chick
Link to the memorial: http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GSln=beltrisi&GSfn=beij&GSbyrel=all&GSdyrel=all&GSob=n&GRid=78007229&df=all&
Tony / Beij,
Thinking of him still makes me cry to this day. Not for the tragedy at the end of his life, but all the joy he brought me during his time on this earth. We had one of those indestructible undefinable relationships that makes no sense to anyone outside of it, but it worked for us.
I still think of him all the time. I thank him for all he taught me about life, the world, himself and everything else. I can only hope that my presence in his world brought him half as much peace and joy as he brought me.
Tony, time doesn’t stop love and I still love you. Thank you for all that you were while corporeal. Now that your spirit has escaped the confines of your body I know you’re spreading love across the galaxy.