I don’t like to leave this blog hanging on a negative post, so I’ll tell an amusing anecdote. It’s Saturday morning right now, and I’m sitting in my beautiful, air conditioned house, looking over my gorgeous back yard, freshly showered after a good run, so I’m feeling much more positive about things.

Here’s the amusing anecdote. It happened while I was out on my run this morning. On my street, a couple of blocks away from my house, there’s this house where there are sometimes two really mean schnauzers outside. One of them stays on a leash and the other is a free-range schnauzer (which might be good grilled. Sorry, Danny. I didn’t mean it.). Those little bastards are aggressive! They’re not usually outside, but when they are, I hate jogging by that house because they growl and snarl and bark at me. I feel as if I could reasonably punt them, but on the other hand, there are two of them. What’s more, I don’t actually wish them harm, I just wish they were both on leashes and that they had better manners.

So, since I wasn’t sure whether the Death Schnauzers would be out, I ran on the opposite side of the street from Chez Death Schnauzers. I was feeling pretty cocky, I’ll admit it. Then, around the bend, come some Mormons! Augh!

Because this story has been peppered with apologetic asides already, I might as well go on and say I actually like Mormons quite a bit. I’ve got no quarrel with them, and those whom I’ve known have been really great people, on the average. And to tell you the truth, I don’t even mind the evangelism bit, in theory. If you truly believe that everyone who doesn’t believe what you believe is doomed the hell, then you’d be a jerk not to try to get them on your team. I mean, what are you going to do, let humanity rot?

I do not personally subscribe to that belief system, but I do not begrudge anyone his or her own perspective. That said, when I’m running (or walking, or grocery shopping, or almost anything), I’d rather not talk to anyone, Mormon or otherwise. I’m just kind of shy/antisocial. The Mormons just had the disadvantage of being immediately identifiable. I can’t think of anyone else who would wear long black pants and a tie on a hot day like this. I certainly didn’t want to stop and chat, even though I really do want to get details on a rumor I heard that if you’re a Mormon, one day you’ll get your own planet. The downside to this is a sub-rumor that you have to be a man Mormon. D’oh! I’d even be happy with a lady planet like Venus. Regardless, I was in no mood for a chat this morning.

So I was left in a quandry: do I dodge the Mormons or dodge the Death Schnauzers? That made me laugh, which was no small feat considering I was near the end of my run and pretty tired. I laughed because I realized what a gentle life I lead, when my main adversaries are religious missionaries and punter dogs. In the end, I went over to the Death Schauzer side, which was a good choice, since they weren’t out this morning.

May your enemies be similarly wussy. Have a good weekend.