My exercise regimen over the last couple of years has gotten me a pretty sweet resting heart rate. I’m proud of this to a nearly stupid degree (seriously, have I accomplished so little in my life that the number of times one of my muscles squeezes in a minute is the best I have to offer? Another topic for another day.).

The great irony: the only place I get my pulse checked in any formal way is at the doctor or dentist. I’m always nervous at doctor and dentist appointments, so I get an emotional surge in BMP. It’s very annoying. Why I feel the need to show off my heart rate to medical professionals, I don’t know, but I do.  It feels like a waste of effort if the effects go undocumented.

Too bad doctors don’t accept homemade graphs as medical evidence.  It would be like walking up to a beauty pageant judge with a self-portrait made in Microsoft Paint entitled “The Most Beautiful Man in Iowa City” and demanding the crown.

I realize this doesn’t make sense to you because 1) Mac users don’t use Microsoft paint, and 2) I am not a man, and 3) that is a ridiculous thing to do, but it happened to a friend of mine.  Only it wasn’t a self-portrait; it was a portrait somebody made and left outside his door.  Then my friend moved to Seattle, which was probably smart.